So ladies, I believe I've discovered a crack in the walls that have surrounded me. One big enough for a lovely man named A to get into, and have no wish to stop him.
He's the director of the play that still hasn't opened yet (two more weeks!) and now he's slowly, but surely capturing my heart.
It all started with me having dreams that he and I were married...I never told him about those dreams, but I believe they allowed me to see him in a different light..and allowed me to see myself as someone who is able to be loved and is capable to love someone back.
We've always flirted a bit at rehearsal..it's always he and I sitting at a table by ourselves. we make jokes and laugh a lot, smile, 'accidentally' bump into each other.
A few weeks ago he told me that I was going to go to a Rocky Horror thing with him and some other people...we all dressed up and made prop bags and went to the midnight showing :) upon his suggestion I wore a french maid's outfit complete with fishnets and fuck me pumps. he dressed up as Rocky from the movie ( if you've never seen it, WATCH IT!!)..which was just gold short shorts. ahhh what a body he has, what a body indeed. He is, in my opinion, perfect.
He told me I looked good. Multiple times. And then again after the show when we were both at home via text..here's one verbatum
"That was a pretty revealing...I mean nice outfit" Then I told him we couldn't really talk about wearing something revealing.He then said
"Haha yeah but I looked silly..you looked...well,not silly"
I want to wear that outfit everyday now.
Anyways, we were talking a few days before the movie and he said (again via text) "Would you want to get some dinner on opening night to celebrate?"
OF COURSE I WOULD>
I told him that it would be lovely.....i use that word a lot, lovely.
So, I'm not sure if I should take that as a date...my friends say yes..but what if he opens the invite to the cast and other production team members? Then I'll feel like a goober for thinking it was a date....which I deeply hope it is.
He told me once he plans on moving to Charleston in about 2 years...which got me thinking..if we were to get serious, would I be okay with moving back down south?
and i've come to the conclusion that, yes, I would. He's told me about the plans he has and I'm completely sucked into his world. I would share them with you,but this may be a ground breaking idea and I don't want to muddle that up for him.
And I can't stop thinking about him. I can't fall asleep. I can't really eat (not that I do anyways) I get this 'i'm going to vomit' feeling in my tummy every time I think I'm going to see him. I know this is more than a crush. and I'm sure some of my feelings are shared by him...unless my mind has completely distorted every thing around me and this is all in my head....NO, can't think like that.
I want to touch him. to run my hands up and down his arms, play with is hair, rub his back, hold his hand. kiss his beautifully puffy lips.
i kind of feel pervy writing that...but it's true.
and I need to stop rambling about a boy who isn't mine...yet.
I shall return skinnies, some minor duties call.
xoxo S
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