auto pilot.

i am in a complete daze. i don't care about anything today. except for my sister. she's the only person in my life who i would take a bullet for.

my grandma isn't doing so well. she hasn't been able to walk in a few days. she's incontinent. she hardly eats. she was taken to the hospital today, about an hour ago when my mom called for an ambulance.
when my sister was in the living room with my grandpa, he kept asking her question about moving with her boyfriend- which she didn't want to answer. so he started SCREAMING at her. saying she was fucked up in the head, that she was wasting her time with a low life... her boyfriend is NOT a low life.
then she gets up to leave, and still screaming he says, yea, run away, that's all you and your sister (me) are good for.

FUCK HIM!

i tried to rationalize that outburst was due to my grandma slipping onto her death bed, but some of the things he's said....there is just NO excuse.

i just can't even....i'm so angry. angry that i don't live there and therefor i'm not able to stand up for her. i'm angry he even yelled at her. i'm angry my mom was too busy cleaning my grandma (she never should have gotten to that point..she should have been taken to the hospital a few days ago) to stand up for my sister....i'm just angry. always.


on a different note....on monday i'm buying an iphone.
i'll be able to stay motivated more. i'll have a calorie counter app, instant videos, etc....i'll be right on track...right on track.