My grandma is dying. And I've said my goodbyes, about 2 weeks ago actually. But it still makes me feel numb. Today will be her last day on this earth. I can smell her throughout my apartment. I know she will no longer be in anymore pain, I'm thankful for that.
For her, I am fasting today. She always wanted me to be thin and to be married and have babies. But for her, I will be thin.
Any maybe one day I will be in a relationship and pass along some genes...who knows
But for today, I will be empty. Just like how I feel.
She took care of me, as I were her own for the first few years of my existence. My mom had made a rough life for herself, and consequently for my younger sister and I. But my grandparents, they were there. She used to make us lunch after school consisting of sliced apples, peanut butter and cheese and sometimes grapes. You can ask anybody, and they'll tell you it's my favorite meal.
Her popcorn was the best. She used this one red pot, it was for popcorn and nothing more.
She loved her kids and her grandkids, and her great grandkids. more than anything. And bingo too, she loved bingo.
She was a great woman. I loved her, very much.
so very much.
When I lived in Mississippi, she gave me a few of her shirts, because I missed her smell. I still have them. This morning I got them out of the zip lock back and wrapped them around me, like she was giving me a hug, just so I could smell her again. And I cried. and cried.
death is a difficult process. especially when you're left to live without them.
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