No gettin' over you

i may be posting a lot in the next few weeks. my uncles went on a vacation and i don't do well when i'm completely alone. i'd be okay if i had friends here...but since i don't i know i'm going to be a mess.
yesterday i did pretty well with avoiding food...only eating 1/2 of a serving of vegetarian lasagna and a few strawberries and a few sips of kifer smoothie yogurt stuff. then i came home from rehearsal.to an empty house.so i ate. and ate. 2 half pints of vegan chicken with a general tso sauce, 1/h a pint of strawberries, 1/2 a pint of frozen yogurt..in like, five seconds. i don't even think i chewed. actually, i know i didn't chew.
i purged food for the first time.
and it felt great.
...well..actually vomiting felt horrible, but the incredible feeling after was phenomenal. and here's a tip. if you have small hands/fingers like i do..use a tooth brush and wiggle the bristle around instead of just shoving it down your throat...works faster and doesn't hurt as bad.
today was horrible too.
i was on the brink of a panic attack all day at work.
i came home and ate a chocolate chip muffin from whole foods.about an hour later i had toast with peanut butter and bananas/grapes as a topper. then i went on a six mile run...then a few hours later made a tomato sandwich.
i don't even like carbs. ugh.
tomorrow i need to go through whatever food i do have here that would trigger a binge and toss it.
i'm okay with having fruits/veggies, raw nuts and yogurt around.those don't make me feel like absolute shit.
and that's what i feel like now.
like my stomach will explode.


so if anyone out there is reading, please leave some words of encouragement to get me through the next two weeks.
i know i'm going to need them.