not good enough

i'm not good enough to find love. not good enough to have any friends. not good enough for any of you. not good enough to be thin.
i am a failure.
a cheat.
a liar.
now i spend my precious free time at the gym because of my weakness.
and that's how it will be until i reach perfection.

i was so angry with myself this morning i wouldn't even allow myself some water.
but here it is, 4:30 and i just scarfed down a few handfuls of wheat thins.mindless munching.
so.because of my carelessness i'm going to the gym for a second time today.
that elliptical is magic.
my secret magic.